Concerns
by Selvanic
Summary: A mirror of Cheshiremask's "Calming", done from Hakkai's POV.


_I'd like to send a quick thank you out to Cheshiremask for letting me do this. I'm sorry if I killed it. Yours was so lovely..._

_Anyway, this is it. Just a short, one-shot, thing. It was fun, though I don't think it quite matched up to _Calming_. _

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It was late. Or would it be more appropriate to call it early? Either way, it was a time of day that he'd come to expect his friend to be sleeping through. With or without the aid of an alcohol induced stupor.

He had heard when the other man had left, had heard the subtle sound of the floorboards creaking, the sound of the rusted hinges protesting in typical fashion when one was trying to be quiet. He had to admit, Gojyo had been surprisingly quiet; had he not been a light sleeper, he likely wouldn't have noticed.

Hakkai sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly, stifling a yawn and staring at the door. He didn't normally bother Gojyo when the man got like this. If his friend was up and about at such an ungodly hour, it was likely something that was none of the brunet's concern. But at the same time…That was his best friend. And after what had happened with Kami-sama…

He shook his head and got to his feet, covering his mouth in an attempt to prevent another yawn from gaining life. He glanced down at the bed, noting that Hakuryu still seemed content, curled up on his pillow. At least one of them would be properly rested for the day's upcoming hours of travel.

Shoes were found easily enough, and his footsteps were light as he padded through the halls. The other two members of their ragtag team need not be woken for this. It didn't take Hakkai long to make his way outside, steeling his body against the instinctive shiver that the cool air brought out. Drowsy eyes scanned around, spotting the redhead soon enough. At least the man hadn't gone far…

But something struck him as odd. His friend looked shaken, frustrated. And it was disconcerting. "Gojyo?"

Gojyo's long fingers snapped the lighter he'd just been using shut before those hands disappeared, swallowed up by the redhead's pockets. Hakkai did his best not to bite his lower lip, not to ask why his friend felt the need to hide. He knew the answers. Gojyo didn't want to feel weak, and didn't want to be seen as such either.

Swallowing unthinkingly, Hakkai tried again. "Is everything alright? I heard you leave your room…"

"Yeah, everything's fine." Gojyo's voice sounded so flat, almost distant. The subtle movement of his friend's shoulder said that the man was fine, that it wasn't anything to be concerned over. Everything about Gojyo's posture was nonchalant, offhanded. But the small furrow in the other's brow, the barely-there tension in the man's face, was enough to tell Hakkai that his friend was lying. It was simply a dismissal of concern. "Just some weird dreams. Nothing serious."

It wasn't his place to pry. It wasn't his place to expect full honesty. They all had their problems. Gojyo would share them if he wanted to.

Swallowing the sigh that wanted to pass his lips, he smiled faintly, regardless of the fact that the other man wasn't looking at him. "Ah…alright. You should…come back inside, though. It's a little chilly out here. You wouldn't want to catch a chill." He watched the smoke from Gojyo's cigarette curl up into the air, watched as his friend just stood there quietly. Well…he'd tried.

As the cigarette butt was discarded to the ground, put out by an almost violent movement of his friend's heel, Hakkai decided he'd done all he could. There was nothing left to say. Before he could stop himself, a small sigh escaped him and he turned on his heel. Gojyo may not have found it cold, but Hakkai could feel the chill insinuating itself in his limbs, his bones. And he wanted nothing to do with that, as much as he wanted to stay at his friend's side.

However, he took small comfort in the fact that Gojyo trailed in after him, in the quiet goodnight he was given as his friend slipped away behind that old wooden door. He wanted to say something in return, wanted to utter something more than just a reciprocated formality. But the words stuck. They clung to his tongue as if the air would simply kill them Perhaps it would. Words could be dangerous.

His eyes watched as the door shut, his ears caught the sound of the small metal catch clicking into place. And with that barrier between them, without having to see his friend's face, the words crawled out.

"Just…don't leave again, Gojyo…please."

Hakkai reached out and brushed his fingers down Gojyo's door, hating himself momentarily for not being able to say it to his friend's face. How could he? How could he tell the other man that he'd been devastated when the redhead had disappeared? How could he explain how frightened he'd been, how empty he'd felt? It would likely just garner a laugh, earn him some mocking statement…

He shook his head and slipped away, back into his own small room. Toeing out of his shoes, Hakkai crawled back into bed, ignoring the small noise his pet made at the shift in the mattress. He could sleep again, knowing that Gojyo was still here. If he could just keep his friend a little bit at a time, one day at a time, maybe things would be alright. And maybe one day, he'd find the words to explain himself.


End file.
